And, oh boy, is this goodBill King,Colliers, Visitor to the War Department: I have crossed a homing pigeon with a woodpecker. the nurse who was chewed out by the doctor because she was absent without gauze? Ive run out of film!. |, No way could you do that. That's a group of blind firemen. "Examine your motives for doing so. You've got more chance getting a bag of cinema pick 'n' mix for under 20, No way could you do that. The man says "I'm probably too honest.". 1. One says, Have you heard about the mad cow disease thats going around?, Yeah, the other cow says. The officer rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, Are you seriously hurt?, How should I know? the driver responds. A Better Chance offers a dynamic team environment of talented, smart and passionate professionals. RALEIGH, N.C. (WGHP) - The legalization of medical marijuana appears ready to be approved again by the North Carolina Senate, and this time it sounds like the House may be high on the idea. Mom! I repeated as I pulled her away. Related Topics The conductor knocks on the door of the lavatory and says "Ticket, please. Press J to jump to the feed. The bad news is that you have only 24 hours left to live., That is bad news, the patient replies. The man nods. You've got more chance of cutting diamond with a butter knife, No way could you do that. Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves. He ran smack into her, knocking a cup of coffee out of her hand and onto the floor. The reality is, if you were fortunate to be born to rich parents, you have a better chance of succeeding in life. When a co-worker asked him how he liked them, he replied thoughtfully, Well, theyre the most comfortable shoes Ive ever worn but I do have one unusual problem with them. If I went to a lady of the night, I'd probably pay her to tell me jokes. According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines: One of the oddities of Wall Street is that it is the dealer and not the customer who is called broker. a diesel car h ad a better chance at w inning this race. I am instantly 70% nicer after 3 pm on Friday. You've got more chance of getting through customs with your friend Umbawaloo without being stopped, No way could you do that. But then again, I dont need people with bad luck around here.. Strong men believe in cause and effect.". Make your thinking as funny as possible. ", The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. The Literary Digest. And the sooner they become consumers, the sooner they become deciders about their own health care decisions. If nobody likes your selfie, what is the value of the self? It's a giraffe.". Turn off my electric blanket.. No way could you do that. I have a better chance of getting a read on them that way. Youre so focused on your possessions that you didnt even realize your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you., The hedge fund manager looks down in absolute horror. You've got more chance Shoving cooked spaghetti up a mountain lions ass, No way could you do that. Youre out of your head., I hang on to my old, beat-up appliances as long as they keep working. I have a fear of speed bumps. At which point the engineers slide the one ticket through a ventilation slot and the conductor punches it. Well, he said, Dad was awfully careless with money on our trip and nearly always left some on the table when we ate. "Communication is the foundation of a good relationship." (Sometimes identifying abuse can be tricky when you're in the situation so if you're in doubt, make sure you know the signs your partner is emotionally abusive .) What if the best candidates are in there?, You have a point, he said. By the time I was 14, I owned my own house. Gene Perret,Classic One-Liners, Restaurant patron: Waiter, Id like a bottle of wine., Muttered over a martini: I hate golf. The only reason I play is to make it easy for my family to think of something to give me for Christmas.Art Petri, San Francisco Chronicle, Mrs. Smythe was making final arrangements for an elaborate reception. When asked what she had learned, she sighed, hopelessly. One of these things is not the other. One evening Dad was devouring a snack of cheese spread and crackers. "Because I put on the wrong sock this morning." brutalanglosaxon 2. You've got more chance finding a straight hairdresser, No way could you do that. As I got closer I heard him say, Honest, honey, you gotta believe meI aint got a sweetheart in evry port!, As I moved on I heard his closing argument: I aint been in evry port!. It is a medical fact that children can have a better chance in life with better looks, better health and more vigor if the teeth, nose, throat and mouth are taken proper care of at the crucial time of childhood. When the examination is over, he says, "Okay, Doctor. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. Your father is my father!, On an article about the Green Bay Packers appointment of Dan Devine as coach, in the Springfield, Illinois, State Journal: PACKERS DECIDE TO GO WITH DEVINE GUIDANCE, On a New York Daily News account of a Dallas Cowboy triumph over the Miami Dolphins: MOAN OVER MIAMI, Caption on a photo of New York Jets fullback Matt Snell on crutches after an injury: SNELLS PACE, Caption on a New York Sunday News photo of the University of Oklahomas quarterback getting bowled over by Auburns team in New Orleans: GETTING HIS LUMPS IN SUGAR BOWL, It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, Say thank you. The boss says, "That's not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.". A legislator asked him about it. I better make it count . Whats the bad news?. And when small businesses thrive, so does our economy. Mine read, Be quiet for a little while., His read, Talk while you have a chance.. 8. I like learning stuff. Analysis of large sets of workplace communications. I'll miss all the pasta he made. The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf! No way could you do that. As he stood by watching her clean up the mess, she glanced up at the boy and said, Look, why dont you go and play outside?, Rushing up to a large airlines ticket counter, a man gasped, Miss, please help me. It was a heady feeling! No way could you do that. |. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him. No way could you do that. Join. We're going to have more kids playing, and we're going to have a better chance of finding those players Minor sports in a community is for fun and recreation. You've got more chance of Lord Lucan riding in here on Shergar. You've got more chance Tugging, No way could you do that. You've got more chance Of getting a blowjob from the pope. Makes me glad Im a penguin., Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. They'd crack each other up. |, No way could you do that. Funny joke of the day is carefully selected joke. ago. | 31/12/2015 I don't mind going up to people when I'm out. (1 in 112 million) Being killed in a terrorist attack on an airline. You've got more chance Shaving a bobcat in a phone booth. I think my friend is dead! he yells. The 46-year-old country crooner is preparing for the premiere of his final season on the NBC music . The best ideas come as jokes. About a week after my son left for boot training, I happened to go into his room for an afternoon nap. I am now prepared for yesterday.James Flansburg, Des Moines Register, One day a man showed up at the office wearing a pair of new shoes made of turtle skin. I hear God has seen fit to send you little twin brothers., Little May: Yes sir, and He knows where the moneys coming from, too. It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. I would say if you want to write, write what you care about. I only know 25 letters of the alphabetI don't know y. I just don't . All polar bears are left-handed 3. All bottled up. Kids can happily spend hours improvising their own jokes and experimenting to test what their friends and family find funny. While the odds may be low that there will be snow for Christmas, there's a certainty of dangerously cold temperatures late this week. Jack Nicklaus ", The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Found the internet! You've got more chance Shoving cooked spaghetti up a mountain lion's ass. |, No way could you do that. And the more in touch I can be, the better chance I have to control what's happening in my life. Surprised, his mother asked how he came to have that much money. In the public library, a man with his new library card questioned the pretty librarian. It not only delivers the message, it also knocks on the door.Click, When she talks it isnt conversationits a filibuster.Eric A. Enstrom. I want to do things that have a better chance of being thought of as original. Neither the professor nor his wife had the necessary $3, but their son produced it. 481 - Jon Stewart profile quotes. (1 in 4.4 million) You cant believe everything you hearbut you can repeat it. 19 examples: In this new world, without the social strife of the old, there seems to be a better chance that the As he scraped the last bit of spread from its container, he asked Mom if she wanted to save the jar. He looked at me quizzically at first and then hit upon the obvious answer. Einstein volunteered to go first. As the conductor starts walkingthrough the train car, the engineers all rush off and jump into the small lavatory. One day after their return, a package was delivered with postage due. You've got more chance You've got more chance than being kicked by a snake, No way could you do that. If he wasnt nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?. Once this was completed, he sat down neatly inside the box and waited for Einstein to finish counting. All dogs are animals 2. When doing something you love, no matter what you'd be getting paid or think the outcome might be, not only will you enjoy yourself more, but you have a better chance of actually creating a sustainable life. I didnt want to go, because Ive put on, like, a hundred pounds. Wendy Leibman, RELATED: The Best 100 Funny Movies of All Time. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume. I couldn't have done this without you. Its great, I said. This also makes your timing look awesome. For every ten jokes, thou hast got a hundred enemies. No way could you do that. So during my aircraft carriers Family Day, I demonstrated a procedure called semaphoreI grabbed my flags and signaled an imaginary boat. Work starts on Monday. He looked up. "Wipe it off and say you're sorry." Max_W_ 3. Scene: A morning with my six-year-old granddaughter, Emma. Two Hollywood stars ran into each other at the door of their psychiatrists office. I learned that instead of relying on and imitating American music, there is a better chance for an Asian artist to succeed if he or she follows his or her own culture. That way, you're not still talking when the audience is meant to be laughing. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns. No way could you do that. "The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.". But I never expected to be picked in the first round. Giddily, he squeezed into a crawl space sure that he would win this time as this was his best hiding spot to date and Newton surely wouldn't find an equal. | 21/09/2019 Go ahead and eat it., A turtle is crossing the road when hes mugged by two snails. I have never been so wrong in my life. Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems. But finally an extra-loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, I hope, doctor, you dont mind Billy being in your examining room., No, said the doctor calmly. Pick a cold object 2. The longer you play, the better chance the better player has of winning. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. I dont think I look thirty, do you, dear? asked the wife. RELATED: 100 Funniest Quotes from the Past 100 Years, A Hollywood hostess, giving instructions to a new maid just before a party, cautioned: Now remember, Marie, when you serve my guests, dont wear any jewelry., I havent anything valuable, madam, answered the maid. Sorry, but I cant serve you, the bartender replies. The prevailing view was that girls were outside of school because of the resistance of families to their education. Besides, we got soaking wet., How come? asked a friend. More posts you may like. Your wardrobe can be your passport for success. Our benefits take effect on the date of hire. No, says the mathematician, All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotlandand that at least one side of that one sheep is black!. Why does the Polish airline have such bizarre seating arrangements in their aircraft? We stand a better chance with aristocracy, whether hereditary or elective, than with monarchy. |, No way could you do that. You've got more chance of shitting in the Queen's handbag, Kayleighkid You have moved most of the earth already today. Some people might consider them lame; others just don't get them at all. If your opponent can't remember whether he shot a six or a seven on the hole, chances are he had an 8 on it. What could be worse?, The doctor answers, Ive been trying to reach you since yesterday.. Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. Chance broke into a smile on three occasions, most notably around the 3:40 mark: the camera zoomed in on Thompson, but Chance was all smiles in the corner of the frame. I was given a single chance to fix an abacus . Two of them and you forget what your Namath. Two hikers were walking through the woods when they suddenly confronted a giant bear. Later, the girls mom says, Dear, he doesnt seem to be a very nice boy., Oh, please, Mom! says the daughter. No, said the dad. You've got more chance of Beethoven rising from the dead to do Strictly Come Dancing, gadgetman36 Hi there! You have to have talent to some extent - I certainly hope I have talent - but you have to have luck as well. Steven Wright, I was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery. Share our Top 10 Better Chance Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. I thought she was your mother.. The following morning, while I was in front of the dresser combing my hair, my teenage daughter walked in. -OK, I'm about to send the TCP joke. Ive got to go back tomorrow.Christian Observer. Euripides We cannot always assure the future of our friends; we have a better chance of assuring our future if we remember who our friends are. They joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier. Showing search results for "I Have A Better Chance To Jokes" sorted by relevance. It's not that I'm scared. You've got more chance A n*gga holding down a stable job, Angie baby xXxX Second, let her have it.Lyndon B. Johnson,The New York Times, Phoning a patient, the doctor says, I have some bad news and some worse news. 27 Feb 2023 18:03:02 Award-winning artist and engineer Dan Morrison talks to us about the design process of his whimsical and functional statement pieces. If I come to track with, say, $200, and I join a syndicate of 20 people, each of whom can bet $200, we can spread our bets, and that gives us a better chance of winning. ", The science students answered, "It is impossible! The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the young engineer fresh out of university, "And what starting salary were you looking for? Nora, she said to her veteran servant, for the first half-hour I want you to stand at the drawing-room door and call the guests names as they arrive., Noras face lit up. They joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier.. When the man handed me his deposit slip, the dogs began to climb over him. |. What do you do if your wife starts smoking? We had just gotten to the part about reserve parachutes when another student raised his hand. +OK, I'm ready to hear the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have a setting and will end with a punchline. I can tell you this: That spider never knew what hit him. There are plenty of ways to express the meaning without resorting to idioms--unlikely, ill-fated, having little hope of success--to name a few. As I sat there enjoying a piano recording, I overheard an elderly lady say to her companion, Just like these young doctorsa crowded waiting room, and hes in there playing the piano!June Iveson, At our weekly alumni meetings, the football coach shows the film of the most recent game and holds a question-and-answer period afterward. That doesn't mean I'm going to get a hit every game, but that's one of the reasons I've come a long way as a hitter. Betty White. I make appearances. No way could you do that. Helen Keller would have a better chance of finding Waldo. As the mathematicians board the train they have one ticket between them. A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a . Two eggs, a bagel, and a sausage walk into a bar. As a believer in the free market, the sooner you have people with a job - the better chance they have a job, the sooner they are employed - the sooner they become consumers. Make one up: 1. Once you get that first shot, that will get you noticed for the rest of your books and that will give the rest of your books a better chance. ", The other mixer turns to him and says "I don't know, I'm baffled.". Most Famous Better Chance Quotes of All Time! First, let her think shes having her way. From naughty gags about sex, to. Your Megaphore has been submitted. ", The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package. RELATED: 101 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Pretty Funny, First, the doctor told me the good news. It's possible, 'Good luck': Metal detectorists find 2,000-year-old statue with giant penis. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace. Everyone knows that poles in the right half-plane are unstable. That made my father very mad, as we didnt have a fireplace.Victor Borge, Your mother has been with us for 20 years, said John. An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when he's talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when he's talking to you. 2. Isnt it time she got a place of her own?, My mother? replied Helen. No joke. Two antennas got married the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding. ", The engineering students answered, "That's easy, it's F(IV)E!". Some people like Lawyer jokes, other do not . So when you put on that jersey, everything else is downhill. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed 2. On a Miami to Chicago flight was a lively youngster who nearly drove everyone crazy. Jokes are better than war. He writes down the serial number of the ball and looks it up. The engineers have no ticket! Always laugh heartily at the jokes your boss tells, it maybe a loyalty test. Just look at all the joints! But when they got home, the kids expressed disappointment. Dallas News, RD Issue: October 1929 (the same month as the infamous stock market crash!). A <1>'s chance in <2>. r/Jokes Not to brag, but I have sychic powers. A reporter standing nearby, his curiosity aroused, asked Brisbane who was first. I thought you were going to punish him!, The Lord shrugged. Pick a hot place 3. An elderly man was on his deathbed. St. Peter, looking down from Heaven, seethed. Shoot!, I cant! he shouted back. |, No way could you do that. [.] Finally he called the farmers daughter. Growing up, people will tell you that you have a better chance to become an astronaut than becoming an NBA player. Booty is just a ghetto expression, and I'm just a booty star. Laughter is strong medicine. ", Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. That gives me a better chance every time I step into the box. Cy N. Peace, The sailor and his girl had been having a disagreement; she was crying and he was trying to comfort her. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. You've got more chance of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro with anvils strapped to your coinpurse, No way could you do that. No way could you do that. ", The group fell silent for a moment. I was administering an achievement test to David, a precocious six-year-old, and I began by asking him when his birthday was. Not at all, she answered. Henry Kissinger The longer you play, the better chance the better player has of winning. I honestly believed I had a better chance of winning the lottery than contracting this disease. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Nonsense, maam, soothed the salesclerk. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Are you joking? Youre going to let him get away with this, God?, The minister took his first shot. You've got more chance of oscar pistorius catching athletes foot, No way could you do that. I do think, oddly, that a comedic actor has a better chance of pulling off a dramatic role than a great dramatic actor has of being able to pull off a highly comedic role. GetReaders DigestsRead Up newsletterfor humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long. "If you are considering reconnecting, be totally honest with yourself," Dr. Nelson says. Hes not breathing and his eyes are glazed. ", The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. You've got more chance watching Robert Kubica winning the Bahrain Grand Prix, B Ecclestone The young father took a seat on the bus next to an elderly man and plopped his one-year-old on his lap, just as the little boy began to cry and fidget. They had heard a lot about the Tunnel of Love and were especially anxious to try it out. But Halloweens not for another two weeks., A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident to find a car smashed into a tree. Ive lived here under five different ministers, and each new one has been worse than the last.. One good laughor better still, a workplace culture that encourages levityfacilitates interpersonal communication and builds social cohesion. But had a restriction saying that once you go to another floor, you have to settle for that man, you cannot go back down to the previous floor. These office jokes are so funny, they'll make your day better or at least they'll take you away from what you're working on for a few minutes. Finally his curiosity got the better of him. Id like to know, he said, why our boys are so slow getting into the oppositions backfield after the ball is snapped., Gosh, Im not sure, Fred, answered the coach. I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients. Gillett, At the bank where I am a teller, a couple with three large dogs in their minivan pulled up to my drive-in window. I don't know how to tell jokes. Would that be perverted? You've got more chance of throwing off your shackles of humanity, sprouting feathery wings and flying off into the sunset, No way could you do that. Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs? ZekeTheGeek Losing a significant other can be hard. . So I had to grow up a little bit. My boyfriend asked to play doctor. Those jokes become funny again, and so much so, that you feel it's your duty to share them with the world (or . There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Posted by 4 years ago. Two old friends, Ned and John, lived for baseball. We turn out about 500 signs a week, proudly said the Russian, and when business demands it, we can step it up to 2,000., Amazing! said the visitor. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. robertbosch.es. -I'm sorry, your connection has timed out Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke? No way could you do that. So thank you mystery boy on the bus. What you wear to a new job interview or an audition can be of great impact and open doors for you. My beautiful silver Porsche is ruined! he screams. In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths. Yeah, they got him on possession. The steaks are overpriced.". You've got more chance Of finding a ride Mark on an Asians neck. Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much? he asked. After a while, one of the engineers says, "Here comes the conductor!" But when I visited a local village, what everyone told me - the chiefs, the parents, the children - was that girls weren't in school because it was the boys that had a better chance of getting paid work in the future. Shucks, the boy said, it was dark and damp and uncomfortable. Joke of the day - My Last Chance. Anyone who is passionate about what they do will have a better chance of connecting with future generations than those who simply follow transient trends. Better chance definition: Better is the comparative of good . comments sorted by Best Top New Controversial Q&A Add a Comment . Nothing looks good on me anymore, wailed a customer modeling an outfit in front of the department stores mirror. By the way, what do the signs say?, NBCs Moscow correspondent Irving R. Levine heard a Russian greet a friend with: Have you heard? You know, we're not just automatons learning how to work machines and do engineering and math and science. Mr. and Mrs. Shaw were on safari in Africa, walking through the jungle. If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? The higher the floor, the better the husband. ", HR Manager says, "Of course, but you started it.". Quotes & Jokes about Change. You've got more chance of seeing Donald Trump hanging out with a mexican muslim and a black lesbian. As the hedge fund manager gets out of his brand-new Porsche, a truck goes racing by, taking off the door. Everything changed when, on Wednesday, Heard took the stand. These 25 engineering-related jokes will bring a smile to your face! Dad loves to eat and does so with gustoto the distress of my mother, who worries about his weight. One woman came into the first floor. A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. I figured that pitchers had a better chance of getting drafted than fielders, so I decided I should be a pitcher. 1 mo. No, its okay, Mom replied. A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. I heard my daddy say so., Emily had been to school for the first time. A traveling salesman, caught in a torrential rainstorm, stopped overnight at a farmhouse. Pushing them aside, he looked at me sheepishly. They have a better chance of going to college. - GMB. (1 in 6.1 million) Dying from being left-handed and using a right-handed product incorrectly. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. |. What was David Bowie's last hit? His bed was still warm and cozy, and I seemed to feel his presence. dental coverage. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles 3. You've got more chance of nailing a blancmange to the ceiling, No way could you do that. I don't think I ever will. Aha, says the engineer, I see that Scottish sheep are black.. 641 - Craig Ferguson . Joint undertakings stand a better chance when they benefit both sides. Best dad joke one-liners: 1. The doctor said, "Good idea. We cant outrun that bear, even with jogging shoes., Who cares about the bear? the first hiker replied. What are you doing? cried his companion. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor. Three engineers and three mathematicians are on a train going to a conference. But if you like, you can borrow my iPad.. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars. Throw away 250 resumes? I asked, shocked. Go to Jokes r/Jokes by PickKali. Why don't eggs tell jokes? Thanks! Sorry, Mother, I forgot. Learn below about our core values, benefits and current opportunities to join our passionate team. Did the boat leak?. the crustacean accused of promoting his own shellfish interests? He bites.Mrs. You've got more chance of being treated fairly by the human race and getting what you deserve just for being a good honest person and working h, I HATE HUMANS You've got more chance playing knock-a-door run with Barak Obama, G. W. Bush When we get government off the backs of our job creators, small businesses have a better chance of thriving. We can make the world a better place, one butt at a time. Amount of time covered, length, drama, or story - that's the real appeal - if the story is long you have a better chance of becoming more connected. Helen Keller would have a better chance of finding Waldo. They were getting a little ANSI. Youre all invited to the wedding, he told the congregation. When finished, I pointed to a little girl in front and asked, Now do you know what I do?. Seven. Dad: "That's true everywhere, son.". After a few minutes hes ready, he takes aim, and fires. Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where a grizzled old-timer is having breakfast. They can focus better. Now then, he asked, how did your trouble begin?, On a visit to my doctor, I was pleasantly surprised to find that he had installed taped music in the waiting room. Additional research by Lucie Turkel and Greg Daugherty. #change; #challenges; Actually, there's nothing I know for sure because I know for sure that things change.
